"...sometime"

She called, a few times. There was no answer, every time. She tried calling again after few acted indifferent days. No answer yet.

She messaged, “Call me when you get free.”

Beep beep: Message delivered.
No reply, no call.

Out of the grumbling of her stomach, she sent another message with slight fury, “Seriously, you can’t just talk to me?!”

Beep beep: Message delivered.
.
.

Beep beep: Message received.

“I will but sometime later”, came the reply.

She did not know how to react to that. To feel happy, that there was at least a reply to her message or feel sad, that the message did not settle down the anxiety in her, that she would have to wait further, wait  for 'sometime'. She knew the callousness of such replies. She knew it was just a perturbing message. She knew the wait would not come to an end. She, somewhere, knew it is a trap. She knew a lot more things than ever said or expressed. She read them between the lines. She knew it all. What she did not know was that Destiny had other plans for her. It was to be his last message to her.

Days went by, weeks went by, months went by, closely followed by insane patience for the wait to end. Every phone ring was rushed to answer expecting his call, every notification was checked expecting his message, followed by intense yet silent disappointments. The phone was checked even when there was no notification heard. It was insane. The situation started becoming unbearable, more impatient but forcefully calmer with every passing day. Though, she had an aggrieved soul inside her, she would re-read all the messages at times, come out of all her sores and simply smile with sparkling eyes. She did know the bitter truths at those moments too. Still, her smiles seemed to have no end. The last message was checked for ‘n’ number of times every day, thinking when this ‘sometime’ will come.

It was one of those days. The thought of him was flashing in the back of her mind as it used to do every other day, making her smile, making her cry, making her...lost. Though it was ensured that none of those were ever noticed by anyone; constant vigilance it was. From outside and above, it all seemed good, calm, easy. As always, she made it appear all well. Walking off to her work that morning, seeming perfect with her confidant steps in kitten heels, the sun shining on her pleasant face, with unapologetic moves amongst the crowd and traffic, she had him in her thoughts, on her mind. No one can ever tell that, only she knew it.

She took a deep breath, counting the number of days since his last message and realizing how long it has been. While there was visible hustle bustle outside on the road with the people and the traffic, there was invisible hustle bustle inside her mind with her thoughts and her unanswered questions. There were things which she knew that she had herself made up but, somewhere deep down her heart, wished them to be true. She knew, though never so candour, he had no interest in her as such. He never said anything to raise her expectations but, somehow she was expecting things to happen. It was all her self-made story, in which she wanted to believe. It was all her dream which she wanted to live. "You are like a dream, please come true"... Yes, it was a weird case of unrequited love, love which she had for him. And, knowing everything about his lack of interest and about his un-involvement, somehow, she was still expecting from him. All these were kept locked from the outside world, not even the horns and honks of the road could pierce through the unyielding barriers she had walled around them.

“At least you said that you will talk to me sometime later. I want to know how long this wait will go and when your 'sometime' will come. All I want is to hear from you, talk to you, know you, spend some time with you, be loved... by you”, were her thoughts. She reached the pocket of her hand bag to take her phone out. Not expecting to get a message or a call, but to re-read the last message, for the 'n+1’^th number of time. She was smiling in her mind while reading it. Yes, this was crazy. And, yes, she was crazy too. And, just then, another crazy thing happened.

A sudden high-speed sound cutting through the wind came, followed by the screeching sound of brakes. The hustle bustle of the outside world came to numbly silence in few seconds and the inside world of her became silently numb. Still she lay there perfectly in her unmoving steps in kitten heels, the sun still shining on her pleasant face and making her black-brown eyes look browner, bigger and, she still looked unapologetic to the blue sky above her. The stream of red blood oozed out from somewhere following the soft waves of her chestnut colour hair spread on the ground. She could not sense the wetness of the slowly flowing out blood from her head. She could see a few random faces from the crowd gathered around her with their lips moving to form some words, she didn't try to lip read them. Some of them seem to have declared her dead. She had no control over her body. She could feel a few pains and burns but most of her body parts were insensitive to her.

She closed her eyes from the sun and the faces to realize some emptiness in her lungs. She tried to breathe harder and deeper. She was not able to understand; either she was not able to breathe in properly or the air in her breath could not reach and fill in the empty space.. The emptiness continued to grow bigger. She was hit on her left side. Though, she could not feel the injury in her head, she could sense the inception of extreme pain in her unmovable left arm. Also, she could feel the strap of her hand-bag on the bare skin of her upper left arm. Her legs felt numb and she felt the coarse sand and dust grains scraping against the scratched skin of her right arm.

She slightly opened her eyes and looked at the phone still held in her right hand. With the corner of her eyes, she could still read the last message. And in her mind, she smirkingly smiled.

Unended severance at the waiting lounge at airport

Between the hurly-burly scene of people parting off with their bags, kids playing while sitting on the strollers, and the announcements, he stands reluctantly, restless behind the metal bar looking in the direction she is walking, carrying her backpack and a handbag, identity card and tickets in one hand ready to be shown when asked for. She is about to take a turn, into a glass lobby, after which she would not be visible to him anymore. Drops of tear are sliding down from underneath her shades over her cheeks to the nape of her neck, where she can also feel the beats of her throbbing quiver heart. She want to cry out, cry out loud the sad story of her poor heart. Swiftly, she wipes off her tears using her soft white kerchief, takes her shades off, wears a curve called 'smile' on her lips, and elegantly looks back at him with sparkling eyes. Reluctantly she waves him off with the best act of display of excitement of seen-you-again-soon and wish-you-happiness-ever look.

“Madam, your identity please”, asks the security at the entrance.
“Ya, here it is!”, she says handing over her ID card.
“Thank you, Madam”

"Thank yo," she says with a soft smile on lips but blankness reflecting in her eyes.

She turns back again and takes the last look at him and enters the lobby. He turns back to leave the place. His bike is parked outside. He makes his way straight to the parking area. 

His phone rings...
Display: Smitha Calling
“Hey… Hi Smitha!”, he answers. “… ya ya… I’ll be there in an hour or so… Just came to see off one of my friend… okay, then you of you be ready... I’ll pick you, uncle and aunty and head directly for the temple... Hmmm... See ya!”

He gives a quick smirk and disconnects the phone. Sliding his phone in his pocket, he took the bike keys out.

No emotions cast any shadow on his face. Probably, he is cold. Probably, there is no feeling at all. Probably, there is a total different angel to his frigid undemonstrated  behaviour or probably not.

He leaves on his heavy duty bike, passing through the drive way, the engine making loud sound; ‘dug dug dug dug dug…’

Her heart is reciprocating the reverberation of the same ‘dug dug dug dug’ sound, may be even louder, louder enough to hear but feel. Still, standing inside the lobby near the entrance, her fingers clenches the side wall edge and she bursts into tears. No, no sound is being heard. Only her eyes are closed and strands of tears are flowing from her closed eyes. There is forbidding grip of grief on her face making it look dilapidated with saddened stretched wrinkles falling everywhere. Her lip forced shut in an up-curve shape. The side muscles of her neck are pulled and tightened making her neck look wider. She wants to say a lot of things, aloud. She feels breathless. Takes in deep breaths every few seconds. Her handbag fells off her hand. She is trying not to lose her mind at this moment.

Two months back:

“I cannot deny it... Oh God! Seriously, I had have an abysmal depth of love for him Smitha. And, this statement of mine stands truest in my life. We were never together and would never be. I know he never had and would never have any feelings for me. But, I cherish the moments compiling one and a half years which I got to spend with him, talking to him, hearing him, looking at him, observing him, and falling in love with him every passing day. I never told him anything as such, though I tried once, somewhere, I knew, it would be futile. But, yes, it was a blissful feeling to be in love with him. Though, I had big dreams with him, he has different images in his real world. I know, he wasn't meant for me. And, he was sure, I wasn't meant for him either. I know, if I would have been with him, I would not have been happy because he is a cold person, atleast towards me. It’s been sometime now, that he has left. At times the bitter truth that he wasn't he love with me, hurts me. But I try to be headstrong and not let that thought disturb me much because whatever was there between me and him, whatever relation we shared, that was good and happy, being blissfully in love, the unconditional love, the truest form of love, the unsaid love. And, still stands the same, wrapped up in silence... true, pure and beautiful. And, I miss and would always miss his presence in my life, Smitha. I know he is about to get married which he has not told me about and would never tell. (Closed her eyes, took a long breath... Opened her eyes and smiled). Anyways, I just wish him all the happiness and I want to leave this town before he gets married. It kills me to think of his marriage and thereafter staying in this town. I need to leave.”

“What is his name?”, asked Smitha.

“Nothing is going to make any difference. I have buried his name somewhere under the path of my memory lane. I will leave and never meet him again", she said with a smirk. Though, if asked, may be she would wait forever to to meet him.

Present:

Her neck and face muscles are exerted and feels slightly tormented. Its been fifteen seconds that she has been struggling to overcome this pain. She's aware of the fact that she is in a public place and that she cannot afford to make any sort of scene here. She does not carry an image like that. She has always and will always display an image of a strong, self-reliant girl, because she is one. After taking a few deep breaths, taking control of all the nerve ends sending emotional signals to all the parts of her body making her feel weak at knees, she snaps back. Picks up her bag briskly and stands up, stands up to her image of a strong girl. Pat dries off her tears quickly with her kerchief ensuring not to smudge the kohl liner to ensure not to make her eyes look 'cried'. Though, her eyes are still red. She wears her huge black shades back. She relaxes her face and neck muscles quickly. Wears her smile again and take stern strong steps towards the security check after which she walks into the lobby and takes up a seat there. Checks the flight status at the display panel behind her and then turn front to check her watch. Takes out a small water bottle and takes a few sips of water. She realizes that her throat has been dry and that she has been very thirsty. Slips in the bottle back and out came a book off her back-pack. With the sober look on her face (Her swollen eyes and the thin red branched lines inside them are still hidden under the shades. May be the eyes are still wet), she sits in a relaxed way with her head slightly tilted, she starts reading the book while waiting for the boarding call for her flight.

Plethora!

"" Life: when you are single, aloof, alone and living in a single occupancy (a 1BHK flat- which is also making small holes in your pockets), you don’t have friends around whom you can call and ask to drop by for some time or express your feelings through a soul-to soul talk, because either they stay too far, or are too busy in their own lazy life or love life, or are too unaware, or are too lost in the similar loner way as you are at present. 

I have already started feeling like Carrie Bradshaw of the ‘Sex and the city’. (Aannhh!!! Feeling good for a fraction of second) And, the consequence is kind of similar, I'm writing, writing something about the extracts of my present life. I always have this urge to do something creative, different, to make something out of nothing, to take the paths untraveled, to visit places, to travel around the world, live at different places, breathe-in every culture, to paint a little, paint a canvas, paint those walls or those empty glass bottles, or to nurture a plant or stitch a cushion cover, to make a lamp shade, or may be that cute bag, to decorate my little not-so-perfect house,  to read a book, or may be some interesting blog on life, travels, home decors, places around the world, psychology… Or to write something, something about the journey of life, friends, family, love and blah blah… Though, I get too lazy after exhausting myself jotting down everything I want to do and having a long bucket-list of ‘To-do’ things, mostly end up doing nothing. The Bucket-list gets lost in pages of some random notebook to be found and re-read, dream again and then getting lost again. Yes, sometimes, few of the things do get poured out of that bucket and fall off the pages of the notebook to the ‘Done’ zone. So, the ultimate result is that I end up doing everything but mostly nothing. Generally, I spend my whole day watching some or the other movie, browsing (Thanks to Google and all the rest of the supporting technologies), reading online, Facebook-ing, chatting and watching Youtube videos. I at times do a little bit of those creative stuff, like stitching a small doormat, cushion cover, cutting things out of paper, painting or something like what I’m doing right now, ‘Writing’… thinking myself to be some kind of to-be-famous writer with words full of power and meanings oozing out of them that are going to hammer on those nerve cells of the people reading it and punch their lil hearts…  :-l 

Anyways... The thing about staying alone, being single with no friends close by and working in a city like Bangalore; it really isn't that great! (Few people might think otherwise.) Though, you get a lot of time to introspect. Specially, for a girl like me who is not much interested in going out within the walls of the city, or through the city traffic (Can’t stand the traffic here. Already finding myself succumbed in autos), or theaters, or for shopping, or to the malls. None of these feed my hungry soul and itchy feet. 

Getting back to “when you are single, aloof, alone and living in a single occupancy” story… Most frequented one; since you stay all alone, you don’t feel like cooking at all. You either sleep hungry or you end up ordering an expensive more-than-enough-for-one-person-meal, basically some junk food. You hog on it, and also since you don’t have a fridge yet and you don’t wana waste your hard-earned money which you just used to pay this ‘expensive and more-than-enough-for-one-person-meal’, and you don’t intent to throw that extra food into the trash bin, you over-hog on it. :-|  Get lazier and gain some extra unctuous substance in your body (Which you try hiding under your new-fashion-of-layered-look)  :’( And also sleep more :D . At the end, it is a total waste, not just of food or money but of yourself if you order food from outside, specially being alone.

Another one; since you stay alone; anyone can disturb your privacy saying, “Hey girl, you stay alone, I/we/he/she/they will drop in".  You can’t even make an excuse of your roommate being uncomfortable about guests coming over :-|  Sorry, know it sounds mean. But, it is not like that. I mean, it is likable to have people dropping by, coming to stay over. It kind of gives a break to the all-alone-monotonous-house-office-house-life. But staying beyond the time period you can sustain is kind of annoying. (Atleast, to me). Anyone encroaching over my peace and my space disturbs me, until and unless I have given ‘such rights’ to them. I am not staying alone so that people can barge in my house anytime to intrude my peace of mind, but to have some time of my own, for myself, to have a calm peaceful life, ‘kind-of-I-like-it-type’. In true sense, I am a person who would let my mental serene state disturbed and be a good hostess to the person-in-front of me. But, if the person-in-front is trying to be a smart jackass then, it is of no concern to home-shelter them. The best is, they barge in without asking you properly (First of all, they should not ask you owing to your good nature of never saying ‘no’ to anyone and also knowing that you are in no state to share your not-so-happening, yet peaceful life and house). Then they get over your nerves by elbowing into your personal zone, into those tiny little corners your very own life and start judging your actions, start giving suggestions and start arguing with you with all their ego to win over you (in a way feeding your ego too.) and tampering your calm life from all directions. (Seriously, the words may sound very rude here. I’m warm-welcoming and I love and value all my relations with all sorts of people. Just, that my present state of mind is in no state to take any input. There is so much inside my mind, that everything is already falling off.) People who surge in other’s life should understand that not everyone is same and that you need to respect and accept everyone’s ideology. They should grow enough to understand that ‘if you are welcomed, be welcomed!’. And, they should also understand that they might not be always right and life is not always the way they think.

Adding to the above occurrence, your alone life gets worse when you get sick with fever, cold, and cough... making things annoying to the core. I mean it’s kind of interesting to stay all by yourself and take care of yourself when you are sick. You apply wet pads on your head yourself. :l because there is no other option. All you eat is Britania Marie Gold Biscuit before you eat your medicines because it is readily available, you don’t need plates for them, and they anyways don’t have any taste so you don’t have expectations from them unlike other home-delivered-cooked-food since your taste buds do not show any sensation to any touch of food after being reacted with the touch of medicines you are taking, irregularly because you don’t seem to have perfected the art of taking care of yourself. 

To worse it more, there is this cheese layer of the fact that you don’t know your ‘relationship status’. Because it’s as confusing and as complicated as; “You are not actually dating someone, still the dinners are mostly like dinner-dates. Simultaneously, you had a virtual break-up with some guy because you have these butterflies in you that make you feel like you are in love with that guy, though you never ever dated that guy or that guy was never ever into you”. You get as crazy as randomly smiling at stupid things (Even when in the middle of street while crossing the road, the signal turns green) and crying at sad parts of movies. Adding to all these cracked situations, the topping are tossed in forms of your sensible and good male friends, who were fun to be with, are becoming insensible and getting married or committed, and you wonder why all the men from my life are getting married or committed to some or the other girl. [I mean, seriously…???  :-O ] Also all your female friends are getting married, either arranged or love, and updating it on Facebook. [Here goes another-‘Seriously!! :-O… like “she is just 25”… And for sure, Facebook will be soon one depressing site for me :_O…]. I mean how can they? When I was a kid ( in School- Yes I thought about such things in school), I used to think of myself as a girl who would not be the most desirable one, but for sure would find the ‘love-of-my-life’ and would have a happy-ever-after kind of story. Which, I still happen to think of at times. Not my bad, it is all because of these Bollywood/ Hollywood love stories/ chick-flicks, which are all full of nothing but crap, and make every woman (or may be man too) live in a fairy tale story which might never be true. But now, after having three unsuccessful relationships (if just having someone special in your life is also counted as a relationship by the present cool generation of young people), and after seeing the people around me, after seeing so many pages flip off the calendar, I have realized, ‘Relationship’ (another cool term used by present gen) is not meant for me, at least, in this present situation. I am not to be taken wrong or judged. Sincerely, I would love to be loved by a man who really loves me and I would love him back the same way, and get married eventually. But, this never happens. Why??? Because the very concept of true love which I perceived and installed in my CPU as a kid (innocent one), has somewhere disappeared in this long journey and weird world and now it’s all about ‘give and take’ type relationship concept among the people I see around me. I am not saying, I haven’t turned into one. I have turned into one of those, and I expect from a relationship, a lot of small-small-little-little things. But, I basically don’t believe in this very concept of ‘Give & take’. For me, love is unconditional, and will always be. It just happens. If its love, it won’t come with a ‘PFA’ or ‘*Terms and conditions applied’. Anyways, back to the story… So you wonder, how is everyone getting married? Am I the odd one or they are the stupid ones? And then hotness is added by the chilly flakes, all your male friends who are getting married have suddenly become more desirable and seem to be good prospects now; you wish that they weren't married. (This statement is temporary, I know. I don’t like chilly flakes.) Also, there are totally not- so- likable (by you) people after you in your life, which you try avoiding, but they somewhere seem to be stuck to your life. Also, because your ‘Ex’ has not become your ‘Ex’ since you both have common friends. Every time you think, 'He' is finally an 'Ex', 'He' flashes back into your life like ‘He’ never went off. (Okay… this is also temporary. I know!) Then, you have this secret love for someone, which is actually not a secret anymore because ‘the-person-in-subject’ is totally aware about this very fact and the unsaid rejection from him makes you feel awkward. You are so exactly in love with that person that you want to break things, make complete mess, make ruts, run away and disappear… But, you stand there, helplessly lost, pretending to be one who is not lost. And, all this love-confusion makes you love sick or sick in general. You quietly wish somewhere for someone to be for you, to take care of you, to say, “Don’t worry, I’m there”. (Aaahh… Uuuurrggg… Movies again!) All this makes you anxious which leads to ‘anxiety eating’, which in turn, again, leads to excessive unctuous substance deposition in your body :/ 

You keep telling yourself and close people around you that everything is fine, and is getting better. You, actually stand with that stupid fake smile on your face and thoughts like; ‘Why do I have to smile? Why can’t I cry if I feel like crying? I don’t want to fake a smile. I am sad and I want to show that I am sad…’ Sadly, you have no other option but, to fake a smile because there is no one around who would understand why you are crying. (Practically, there is no one around, remember you stay all alone and by yourself  :-| ) And you might cry out to yourself over a pillow. Consequences: next day morning you wake up with puffy eyes and swollen face, and the condition of the pillow doesn’t look like that it could be used ever again, due to stains of tears/ water marks and blotches. (I don’t wana go much in depth of details, I am sure many of you could connect to it) Do, I sound a cry-baby? Most Girls are! Though, most of the girls are the secret cry-baby with the same pillow experience.  :P

And, to worse it all, you have people in your lonely life who really actually care a lot for you, so they keep asking you to shift in with few friends so that you may get over with your loner life. One, they don’t understand that you are mentally not in a state to think about whom you should stay with or how you should stay. You are not in a mental state to shift anywhere. You want to lazily slumber inside your cocoon and come out to mingle with people only if you want to. You need some time and space. You need people who understand you, not the one who suggest you things to change in your life or ask you question which you don’t even want to hear. And two, they don’t understand that you don’t have people around you who love you enough to stay with you and bear you… a bitter truth… [aaaaahhh… It hurts! No… No… I am not crying, I am fine :-| ]. So, What if girls stay in groups, and travel in groups together, move together (Even to the chai-shop two buildings away or to the washroom one hall away) and eat together and gossip endlessly together, there also are girls who stay all alone! There are girls who come to a new city and don’t know anyone and stay alone there without any friends. (Yes, there are such girls and I have met them personally!). So, what if you have to act one and feel one. [I know it is temporary. Owing to my ambivert nature, I am just feeling it and blabbering it out right now. But, I’m for sure I’m going to laugh at it later when I would read it. It is all all temporary! Take a deep breath]. By the way, the thing about taking a deep breath is to divert your mind towards the arty effort you need to take that deep breathe from all the other unarty and effortlessly unwelcomed, yet arrived disturbing things and thoughts. Realised this fact during the ‘n’ number of yoga sessions I took at ‘n’ number of place from sitting in front of TV in a closed room to sitting under the shades of huge tall tree over the soft supple green dewed grasses. And, the thing about yoga is that, that it is very boring, but, very effective, very soothing and very helpful. (Do try it… if you can take up boring challenges!)

Anyways, getting back to the part of the story of feeling and being alone…  [I just took the ‘deep breath’… even ‘Yoga’ could be a topic of diversion.  ;)  :P ] 

After all this happening in your single, aloof, alone life, you quietly keep moving without making it obvious that you got lost somewhere down the line and you are in a process of searching your very own self, that you do have expectations from life, that you do want to be in a blissful state. “Your answer to every- How are you? is the same one line, “I am fine! :) ” with that smile on your lips which are looking for the true meaning for themselves. You are happy, you smile, you laugh, you feel the butterflies, you are full of positive energy, you love the colours and the sunshine, but there’s a lil empty space in your lil heart, which keeps on reminding you that there’s something missing. Life isn’t a piece of cake. “Life has its own ways to tell you the bitter truths and its own way to make you accept them.” It is a painful relatable desire to self-actualize, to figure out who you are, when you lead a life of a loner. You will feel low, doubted, discredited, sad in life, but you need to be brave enough to stand strong.""

With last confident and strong thoughts, she closed her system. She felt very thirsty and the bottle was empty. Feeling self-assured of herself, mumbling a happy song, she went to kitchen to fill the water bottle for night. It has been raining heavily with lightning and thunder. And, suddenly the power goes off. Being always afraid of ghosts (Not that she has seen any ever), she dropped the bottle there and ran into her room with a shriek and the bang of the closing door replacing the mumbling of happy song. (Yup, another similar post can come up with this incidence) 

***Found this in the drafts and I did laugh while reading it ;) :P ***

~~Aur kuchh Nazron se hai jhaankti~~

Nazron ki gehraiyaan chhupaati
Kuchh kehti, kuchh muskuraa jaati
Aur kuchh nazron se hai jhaankti

Kuchh dabi aawaaz, kuchh toote alfaaz
Kuchh bikhre sawaalon ke jawaab
Morti, jorti, dhundati, aur fir unme kho jaati

Samandar ki lehron si halchal
Par andar ki shaant gehri tanhaiyaan
Lehron ke saath ufanti, khelti, tootati, aur fir tanhaaiyon me samaati

Roz ki sahi galat pe hairaan hoti
Duniyaan ki hairaaniyat pe gungunati
Pareshan ho simat jaati, bikhar jaati
Darti, sulajhti, ulajhti, ek gehri saans ke saath fir se baandhati

Aanson ki boond se moti banaati
Dil ki dharkanon me unko piroti
Pehenti, utaarti, nihaarti, fir unhe dil me chhipaati

Nazron ki gehraiyaan chhupaati
Kuchh kehti, kuchh muskuraa jaati
Aur kuchh nazron se hai jhaankti

When he gave up on himself

"As if I care.... You don't like me? Great! Oh go ahead, hate me! You wonder why I don't care? I wonder why I should care. I tried being nice. I tried a lot. I forgave you every time, not any more. You think I am arrogant. Now, I will show you arrogance. You can hate me even more. The last time I cared was something like a few days back. You made me heartless. You killed me. You murdered the good soul in me. You are a murderer. You are fake. Its high time, time to clean up the society off with people like you. You tried to make me weak. Didn't happen though. Won't happen... ever. I am not weak. I am strong, stronger than what you can ever imagine. Now, you stay away from me. I said, "when it will reach my saturation point, even I do not know what will I do?" It reached the saturation point, and you made one wrong move and now I'll make your life hell. Worse than ever you could think of. You know it too, don't you? I, on the other hand, will take every opportunity to hurt you. Because I can. I will make your story of life from today, "Sadness ever after". You did the same when you were stronger. The tables have turned. Face the devil inside me...You suffer now!

I generally do not promote 'hate notes'. But, this is thought provoking. This is all I can hear him shout in the partially lit corner outside the compartment, standing close to the open coach door. Train moving fast and wind through his hair. Barely could see his face. I was fear struck by 'a thought'. Before numbeness could take over me, I had myself ready to take a steady leap and hold him back. A paper flew off his hand. He stood still. The calmer it became, the more blood thrust up my veins. And, then, he half turned his face. Our eyes contacted for a fraction of second. I could see red watered eyes of a fair lean young guy. To avoid the situation of this mortifying moment, I turned back and stepped inside the compartment without slightest display of my presence. I kept a close ear to catch any movement outside. I stayed awake for another 2 hours when I saw him cross mine and sit on a seat after two compartments. That was when I took my first breath of slight relief. He felt lost and broken. I walked out, saw the coach gate closed and locked. Near the gate I found a few pieces of torn paper and a photograph. Could not manage to put all the pieces together though, scarcely manage to put the picture together where I could see a sweet girl and the smiling happy 'him' looking blissfully in love. The picture was taken in some theme park. I left the pieces there again and went back to my seat. Thoughts disturbed my sleep. His suffering soul gave up on his love. But, actually, he gave up on himself, on his goodness. My only thoughts were that another happy soul dies today, another angel turns to ashes. If only, anyone's emotions and feelings are not played with, this world would be a happier place for everyone. There is goodness in all, and that goodness needs to be displayed. By about the dawn, when the soft sun rays peeped through the thin gap between my window curtain, I got up and sat on my seat. I could see no soul awake and curtains drawn everywhere. His seat was empty. I went out to find all pieces of papers gone and the door open. Soon the train stopped at a small station and I got down for my further journey. I never saw him properly, I do not know who he was, and what was his story? This is disturbing. Its true, "Hurt people hurt others". We have to break this chain.