Wednesday 2 July 2014

"...sometime"

She called, a few times. There was no answer, every time. She tried calling again after few acted indifferent days. No answer yet.

She messaged, “Call me when you get free.”
Beep beep: Message delivered.
No reply, no call.

Out of the grumbling of her stomach, she sent another message with slight fury, “Seriously, you can’t just talk to me?!”
Beep beep: Message delivered.
.
.
Beep beep: Message received.
“I will but sometime later”, came the reply.

She did not know how to react to that. To feel happy, that there was at least a reply to her message or feel sad, that the message did not settle down the anxiety in her, that she would have to wait further, wait  for 'sometime'. She knew the callousness of such replies. She knew it was just a perturbing message. She knew the wait would not come to an end. She, somewhere, knew it is a trap. She knew a lot more things than ever said or expressed. She read them between the lines. She knew it all. What she did not know was that Destiny had other plans for her. It was to be his last message to her.

Days went by, weeks went by, months went by, closely followed by insane patience for the wait to end. Every phone ring was rushed to answer expecting his call, every notification was checked expecting his message, followed by intense yet silent disappointments. The phone was checked even when there was no notification heard. It was insane. The situation started becoming unbearable, more impatient but forcefully calmer with every passing day. Though, she had an aggrieved soul inside her, she would re-read all the messages at times, come out of all her sores and simply smile with sparkling eyes. She did know the bitter truths at those moments too. Still, her smiles seemed to have no end. The last message was checked for ‘n’ number of times every day, thinking when this ‘sometime’ will come.

It was one of those days. The thought of him was flashing in the back of her mind as it used to do every other day, making her smile, making her cry, making her...lost. Though it was ensured that none of those were ever noticed by anyone; constant vigilance it was. From outside and above, it all seemed good, calm, easy. As always, she made it appear all well. Walking off to her work that morning, seeming perfect with her confidant steps in kitten heels, the sun shining on her pleasant face, with unapologetic moves amongst the crowd and traffic, she had him in her thoughts, on her mind. No one can ever tell that, only she knew it.

She took a deep breath, counting the number of days since his last message and realizing how long it has been. While there was visible hustle bustle outside on the road with the people and the traffic, there was invisible hustle bustle inside her mind with her thoughts and her unanswered questions. There were things which she knew that she had herself made up but, somewhere deep down her heart, wished them to be true. She knew, though never so candour, he had no interest in her as such. He never said anything to raise her expectations but, somehow she was expecting things to happen. It was all her self-made story, in which she wanted to believe. It was all her dream which she wanted to live. "You are like a dream, please come true"... Yes, it was a weird case of unrequited love, love which she had for him. And, knowing everything about his lack of interest and about his un-involvement, somehow, she was still expecting from him. All these were kept locked from the outside world, not even the horns and honks of the road could pierce through the unyielding barriers she had walled around them.

“At least you said that you will talk to me sometime later. I want to know how long this wait will go and when your 'sometime' will come. All I want is to hear from you, talk to you, know you, spend some time with you, be loved... by you”, were her thoughts. She reached the pocket of her hand bag to take her phone out. Not expecting to get a message or a call, but to re-read the last message, for the 'n+1’th number of time. She was smiling in her mind while reading it. Yes, this was crazy. And, yes, she was crazy too. And, just then, another crazy thing happened.

A sudden high-speed sound cutting through the wind came, followed by the screeching sound of brakes. The hustle bustle of the outside world came to numbly silence in few seconds and the inside world of her became silently numb. Still she lay there perfectly in her unmoving steps in kitten heels, the sun still shining on her pleasant face and making her black-brown eyes look browner, bigger and, she still looked unapologetic to the blue sky above her. The stream of red blood oozed out from somewhere following the soft waves of her chestnut colour hair spread on the ground. She could not sense the wetness of the slowly flowing out blood from her head. She could see a few random faces from the crowd gathered around her with their lips moving to form some words, she didn't try to lip read them. Some of them seem to have declared her dead. She had no control over her body. She could feel a few pains and burns but most of her body parts were insensitive to her.

She closed her eyes from the sun and the faces to realize some emptiness in her lungs. She tried to breathe harder and deeper. She was not able to understand; either she was not able to breathe in properly or the air in her breath could not reach and fill in the empty space.. The emptiness continued to grow bigger. She was hit on her left side. Though, she could not feel the injury in her head, she could sense the inception of extreme pain in her unmovable left arm. Also, she could feel the strap of her hand-bag on the bare skin of her upper left arm. Her legs felt numb and she felt the coarse sand and dust grains scraping against the scratched skin of her right arm.


She slightly opened her eyes and looked at the phone still held in her right hand. With the corner of her eyes, she could still read the last message. And in her mind, she smirkingly smiled.