"LET IT GO!"... Hmm... I'm letting it come now. Rather I think it has already come. Dont know if its for better or for worse, but I'll face it up, be it the fact, the consequences, or the shadows if it. Have to be like this, have to face it, have to live up with this. And I will...!

Purple Haze

"Purple Haze", a phase of life. The colour that seems so calm within, so soft, making things flow and fly together. Feels so good. The brigthness of white in it, so pure. The abyss, so untouched. Pulling towards itself, like the strings of guitar, that sounds upto your mind. Its in the air around, can move finger between it, can smell the light purple haze aroma. A flower with purple haze, a flower that smiles back. A smile thats been reflected by the soft pink lips of an innocent baby. A baby who comes to you, cudlles and sleeps with little crystal clear eyes closed, holding upon you knowing that you will care for him/her, trusting you bilndly for no reasons, or say has never come to know the negetive of the word "trust". Purple haze in seen in that crystal clear eyes of that little baby. Purple haze is that Trust, the trust in life, the trust in the super-power, the trust in time, the trust in everything around, and the trust in oneself. "Please excuse me while I see the vast open sky", the purple haze of sky, which makes it more vast, still makes feel that its so small that the sky will come into my arms when they are wide open. The twinkling stars sparkle with that purple haze. The crispy feeling while walking through the dried leaves fallen on ground. Wrinkles falling on an old man's face while he smiles heartly to see his family happy... Aah! Its all "Purple Haze"....

Everything seems so-o-o-o good!

Hats off !!!

hmm, today i had my 1st day of mid-sem exam. it was okay(not to keep hopes high). well, after the whole night study(with closed eyes n small naps) i passed through the theory paper, EOT today. And even the pactical paper of GC went off in a fine way.
Phhheeewwww!!! what made me today over here to this page was some which i have been noticing for long, n even noticed today. You see, i seen have lots of sincere, consistant working students in my batch n especially i my department of FD. Means i dont know, they are made up of what??? Even i too try up hard to come up with something different n creative n intresting out of my given assignments. But there are these people who make in wonder whats there inside them which make them the way they are. Out of all those, i appreciate a few, n few i dont cause of their not so-very-appealing-to-me work.(I dont say their work isnt good. Just taht their work do not appeal to me in a sense or so).
During the practical paper of GC(the subject in which i try lot to improve myself coz I,m too bad in that, coz the machine runs like a ferrari for me), this girl(one of the very good students of my class) sits just behind me. She has always been good in GC, n was doing her best during the exam as always. She was even done with her work one hour before time. But, the lady luck played cruel on her, and after completing all her work, by mistake she cut her sample of smaller size to that of required one. She had done good job on that piece of fabric, but cause of this size-cutting mistake, she was requuired to do that assignment again.
To be true, if i would have been in this same situation, i would have lost all hope and given up everything and aould have started crying or so. BUT, HATS OFF TO THAT GIRL... the hope, petience, n will power that girl displayed was something too appreciable. she again did that assignment n submitted all her work ON-TIME. WOOOOOO... that was too good. i was like just crabed by her way of working. Means, i have always appreciated her, but today she proved it that yes she is one to be counted on.
Hope some day i too will be able to display such high degree of performance!!!

Reasons....???

as usual a lot of thought hover over my mind, layer upon layer, making each thought blurr. Still, they exist there deep inside my mind. This is al the out-pouring of those blurr thoughts...

I dont like to do what i should actually do, what is the need of "this hour". I mean i should be doing stuff regarding my academy, my exam(which is about to start from this 24th sep), my submission(which is due tommorow). But no... all the people around are busy completing their work n I'm here stuck into ... dnot knw wht!!!

still, i knw i ll continue with this. i dnt knw why i m here writing this all, though i knw no one reads this n there'll b no use of wasting my time like this. may b coz i want someone to listen to me, or may b i dnt find anyone listening to me in my real world(so tapping my fingers here on keyboard into another waste...), or may b i speak out my words less n listen to others more, or.... there goes so many "or"s.

I actually love it when others understand me, without me saying out a single word(yeah, may b this cud b a better n stronger reason). means life wud b so easy if everyone understand the other without having to make an effort to make others understand one-own-self. there wil b no misunderstandings, no wastage of time in runing after other to make them understand... I always try my level best to understand others, "read their feelings, and give them words"(sorry sis for using ur community's tag line!), let them be wht they want to be. does anyone else care to do that? n why do i go into such stuff which not only make my life complicated n sometimes even others(chuk it, i ll still continue to be wht i m ryt now).

I remember, when i was in 8th standard, there was this class teacher of mine, who used to act sismilarly. She wanted the class to speak less(for sure, speak a lot when required), n understand the unsaid words, n act accordingly(quickly). even there came out a game such like that(of guessing out movie names). i actually used to enjoy those things, the silence, the game, the hidden words... n i still luv to b calm n silent n understand things, rather than jus acting to understand. so i think a lot. but its often said, "too much thought is too much confusion". n yes, i too fall into this trap of confusion. but i cant jus go after things without giving them a thought n without understanding them. n i do feel personally, that everyone shud be so thoughtful n understnding, as not to skip out little small, but "worth-a-matter" things in life.

i knw, right now whts "worth-a-matter" in my life right now is my submissiom tommorow, n my pending(late) submissions. so i think i shud better get a hold over that now.

wel, i dnt knw wht i hv written over here, coz i started with some other thought(which i dont remember now), n ending with some other thought. so plz dont try hard to understand this one.(huh!). wel, i ll try to make sure atleast this post is read n .......

Hav lots of things at back of the mind. Its crowded inside,bt cant utter a single word. Life's just a game or, its so very unpredicted. U r happy now n the very next moment all ur happy-shappy thing turn into a mere past n a new pain scoops out into tears.

For instance, le'me tell wht it has been for the last month...hmm, not last month,that wil b too long...for the last few days.life do has its ups n downs. So it was all going that way only. In between all the work n frustation n happiness n laughs n frens n blah blah... i got to knw dat v r gona hv a freshers' day party on 5th sep...hmm sounds intresting(though such things do not sound so very intresting to me generally...still, this time it did) n i was in full mood to party n dress up(okay...for no one else but, my own self...u knw the feel-good-factor!). Deciding upon wht to wear n all, there came Friday....HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!!! Okay, v planned to get a cake n celebrate in our class, bt very sson v got an invitation from our super-seniors to hv a small bite of the cake(though it turned out to b negligible-bite). Still, v kept our spirit high n moved towards our plan keeping the time post-lunch. Yeah v got yummiiiiiiiiii chocolate truffle cake(no one can resist it n had patience to wait for teachers, bt they hv to). N mid of all this i got a heart breaking news...."Freshers' party has been cancelled...well, dnt lose hope.V r having JAM session tonyt"... OH NOOOO!!! The news was not at al happening...still,the JAM nyt thing kept me alive for the rest of the day. Anyhow, I made all the required invitations(being the F.D.III Class-Rep.). Due to some or the other reason, our teachers' day celebration got delayed till 4 p.m. N finally.... (hheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) the cake was stabed n was attacked badly wen the teachers left the classroom..... Its was really really yummmmmmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!! The class actually went crazy n i was...(i shud better not talk abt this part). The photo-session continued. F.D.III was blasting(Basically we were trying to take our regular work-frustation out :D). Click...Click...Click...Click... n continue... Soon the class got over n everyone ran out of classroom in the same fun-making mood. Then we had again a teachers'day celebrations(yeah...'twas 3rd time) as a whole-colleg-type... as usual, the program went off(fusssssssssss.... due to some technical problem). Anyways, i went back 2 my PG n got ready taking the least time posible. And then...... Here comes the big time.... THE DANCE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!..... we all went carzy n rocked the floor(thank god it didnt break...hah!). I alone went to the terrace(boundry-less top of our building) jumping out of the window(since the doors were locked) to take a few intresting vedio-clips of the dance floor. Though the music was so bad n inspite of our usual "kindly bear with it n hav patience. we r having some technical problem", we went on pouring out our "welcome-to-F.D." frustaion on the floor (n on the technical-difficulty-arisers).Then, for me few more click-clicks, then a long-short type drive, n then a mehnga-dinner n finally i was on my bed fully exhausted(sleeping with a damn care abt the world).

Next morning i woke up n again went back to sleep n finally woke up at 3:30p.m.(saturday afternoon) out of hunger. Orderd a royal-type lunch, ate filling to the neck n kept my recent pics uploading on orkut.

Whtelse... by the late evening i started feeling a bit bored so, after a long long time i called up all posible frens n relatives. I called at home(only this call i make almost daily, without fail) n had a talk with my Nani ji. Dnt knw wht made it, bt tears were in my eyes. Getting in touch with all my frens n relatives again after a long time, tiggered a few unsaid thoughts in my mind.

Memories...nostalgia...longing for something... the feelings turned all my few past fun-times into mere piece of crumbled paper. Wen almost all the required call were made, i waited for 11p.m. I didnt make any call then(though i was supposed to). i dnt knw wht stopped me. Yahoo msger made my hopes high, but again, since 'twas the sad-time going, things started turning dull n sad. the fear of losing things made my hidden tears walk out. N made me feel so helpless before TIME n LIFE!

And it was again... why does all happy things hv to come to an end... even not being a mistake-maker, why someone has to suffer??? I myt sound kiddish. Still, I think its a fact that every adult-heart can only understand!

DOOR NA JAA...

Dnt knw, bt this song has become a part of my life n my loneliness...

Tera chera meri aankhon me basaa rehne de
Khud ko thora sa kahin mujhme basa rehne de
Door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...door na ja.....

Aaj k baad mera sara safar tanha hai
Aur tere saath ka bhi aakhri ye lamha hai
Aur kuchh der mujhe...aur kuchh der mujhe khud se jura rehne de
Aur kush der mujhe khud se jura rehne de
Door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...

Kahin jaake mere dil ko ye lagta hai
Yaar ki baanhon mein meri jannat ka jahan basta hai
Aur kuchh der mujhe...aur kuchh der mujhe inme bandha rehne de
Aur kuchh der mujhe inme bandha rehne de
Door na ja...door na ja...door na ja...door na ja.....

"A Moment"

the same old story.... again it goes up here.....



A moment lost
Lasted for a moment.
But,
It may sometimes LAST FOREVER !
A moment which holds numerous moments within itself.

Moment of smiles,
Moment of tears,
Moment of bravery and moment confronting our inner fears.

Moment of joy,
Moment of sorrow,
Moment capturing from memories of past to the promises of tomorrow.

Moment of a victory without having to fight,and
Moment when u let before ur eyes,ur efforts into vain.
Moment of love,dreams,hopes,trust,waits,hurts & pain.

And,
A Moment becomes a LIFE
When it has lasted for a moment,
But then LOST FOREVER !

"Still...A SURVIVER!".

again something which i wrote a long time back, sometime in year 2006... up here coz the punch-line still remains the same.....


I believe...
Life isnt just to live,
Its to survive.
And,I'm still a Surviver...

For life,I'm still striving,
For peace,still fighting...
Blind towards the fingers pointing at me,
Still,they hurt deeply.
Bearing all,as like a Surviver...

Tears soaked up inside,and a false smile.
No hopes to live for,
At the same,
No ostensible reason to die.
Shackled up in this mean world,
No i dont want this. I wont also let go myself so easily.
I have miles to go and lots do.
Fulfill expestations of all those Who made me what i am...a Surviver...

A lonesome feeling creeps into,
to a untouched deepness.
Searching for a ray,
In complete darkness.
An anorex with no desire.
And...still a Surviver...

Resurrecting myself each time,
At a point where
Life and Death meets.
And...thats surviving.
So...I'm "Still...A SURVIVER!".

pain in heart

this is something i wrote long back... a short yet true.... so putting it up here again....

wish it wud hav been a heart attack,but no...its pain of suffocation,pain of a feeling that can not be taken in.it feels bad when u u are alone and u want to cry and worse that there's no one to giv u a shoulder to cry.and even worse,when the person u think to be the one to giv u a shoulder to cry n feel at comfort,is the reason for the tears in ur eyes.but this generally happens this way only.i too dont have a answer why so?(if anyone,u r most welcome)

hhhmmmm... really DONT KNOW !!!!

Huh! long time since when i last shared my thoughts up here(dont know shared with this page of blog, or with my very own self). It seems as if the time rushed out in fast pace since then till today, but actually every moment of it had awaited for taday. Due to some or the other reason,the days in between 'then' and 'today' went empty without any new word adding up here. I actaully dont know what am i doing up here with lacking-words, but its just that i m actually loving to be back here. Seems like a ressurection of that 'aparajita' with a few more thoughts, few more experiences, few more words to say, few more harsh realities of life, and few more fantacies (not to forget, few more adipose-cells). Well, its just about going with risk at evry step,taking challenge every time, enjoying every bit, being own-self,...with LIFE, the best teacher around.